Cyanide?
by FallenShateiel
Summary: RLSS


**Cyanide?**

C: One shot

R: M

P: RL/SS

S: Snape wants to die. He knows the formulae. Lupin agrees to die with him.

* * *

**7th Year**

I watched him take out the bag. Two small pills...

"Severus..."

His black eyes bore into mine.

"It only takes a small dose to kill a fully grown man instantly. Its the only efficient poison you can get cheaply in the Muggle world. The less painful posion as well." He says it simply, like everything else he says.

I don't really want to do this, but I don't want him to leave me alone.

"Do we have to take it now?" Stupid question but I'm desperate.

He looks sharply into my face, his black onyx eyes cold and unforgiving.

"I mean, how do we know its gonna work?" Maybe I can stall him.

"I _know_ its going to work because I tested it."

"On what?"

"On a puffskein."

I'm shocked, he just rolls his eyes.

"If your going to chicken out. Then leave."

"No."

"Why not."

"Because I don't want to be left behind."

"You sound like a two- year old."

"I'm not."

"Of course your not you idiot!"

He's grown impatient with my arguing. I take the opportunity to wrap my arms around his body and press up close to him like I used to.

"Get of me, werewolf."

"Come on, Severus its been nearly over a year since..."

"I don't care. I still hate werewolves."

"Then why did you ask me to die with you?"

"I didn't. You did."

"Fine. Why did you agree to have me here?"

"I didn't."

I sigh, but tighten my hold. Rubbing my obvious erection into his back.

"Do you mind."

"Nope. Actually quite intrigued by the idea of leaning you over that desk spreading your legs wide..."

"Do you have to be so crude?"

"I'm a werewolf remember."

"Shut it and take the cyanide."

"Not before I get what I want."

"I'm a Death Eater now, you know."

"Self Cannabalism tastes so much better."

* * *

I love to touch his body. As scrawny and cold it may seem. I know he likes being touched by me. Because of the fact I'm the only one whose allowed to even breathe near him. Nevertheless I've taken advantage of this fact since I first kissed him at the age of 12. Touching him intimately at 13 and had him inside the same year. I wasn't able to persuade him until the age of 14 to allow me to make love to him...

I remember our first kiss and how he hated me for being Sirius and James' friend. The way he snarled at me in the Invisibility section of the library...

"Why don't you get out of here _Lupin_." He spat at me in pure venom. But I didn't let that stop me as I went to stand infront of him.

Incensed he had still the nerve to curse me for being a 'Bloody Gryffindor' and words I was taught not to say with my father's belt. My mouth on his. He was startled yet stayed still as I kept my arms on his taller shoulders. Stepping back when I felt his tense and mover away.

Over the course of that year I kissed him several times, by the end I had him responding to my chaste childish kisses. Though he was never one to admit it.

When school started agian, my werewolf instincts had me keening for Severus even more. More than kisses. Staring at him in the middle of Potions class I would have him dropping things. Kissing him in an abandoned Dungeon wasn't enough so I let my hands roam all over his body.

"What the hell are you doing!" I had chosen to ignore him as my hands brought up his robes, quieting him as I brutally smashed my mouth to his. Running my hands over his thighs and over his under garment. Aroused when I found the exictment.

I had him moaning as I bit his neck and was running my hand on his shaft moving back and forth rubbing until I was nearly holding him up to keep from falling. My lips on his jawline, capturing his mouth as he let out his cry of release.

I brought my hand up to lick his semen. Relishing in the salty bitter taste. Grinning as I looked at him.

"Hmmm... yummmy."

* * *

I gave him hand jobs as often as he would let me. Sometimes I could even be allowed to take him in my mouth. Though as much as I loved doing that he didn't like feeling so tired afterwards.

I still remember the way he would go down on me. His lips tight around my organ as I tried desperately not to buck into him. My pants as pleading, practically begging as he played with the slit and along the vein. To the back of his throat, crying out his name as I came howling.

No matter where I am I still become painfully erect when I think of those times.

Within my fourth time of having that done ot me I was begging tearfully for him to take me.

"No." His body flushed with my own spent one. I touched his erection and said with tears running down my face.

"Please." Wrapping my arms around his neck and bringing him to kiss me deeply.

Taking advantage I had him on me and had my world engulfed with the pale courseness of his usually cold body. His not-yet-greasy hair clutched in my hands as he prepared me.

"I have nothing to ease the pain."

"I want to feel you." His fingers probe me painfully, but I've been in worse pain.

The way he slowly moved in me trying to fined my prostate. Shaking his body inflamed with my own. I groan loudly and moved to take him all in. He screamed and toppled over. I was too busy trying to get over the pleasure and pain to laugh. Wrapping my legs around his waist I kept impaling myself, Severus not moving as I hold desperately onto him. His breathing heavy in my ear as he kisses my neack when I lean back.

We came as one.

* * *

For the next months, hormones took over and that was all we could do. I had to merely get him alone to have him within me. No matter if he had been beaten by James, Peter and Sirius... because I was his. In a way that I could be no one elses.

Bites on my neck and bruises on my hips. I was marked as his in the same way that I marked him mine with my own teeth and fingernails.

Straddling him in a dungeon he's particularily fond of. Rocking against him as I precum between both our sweating bodies. Trying to fix the wrongs that Sirius placed on him...

This time he gets up and dresses, leaving me alone.

His first sign of jealousy.

* * *

Severus Snape will always hate Sirius Black. For jealousy is an evil monster. Worse than envy.

Sirius was handsome. Single. And not interested in anybody.

Mkaing love with Severus never made him forget that. I was Severus Snapes' no one else was allowed to speak to me. Yet at the same time it was hard. My first friends or the boy I gave my first kiss and virginity to? The person who was fast becoming my first Love.

He was their enemy. They the reason I found dagger marks on his arms. I never said anything to either of them, just kissed the wounds after sex.

"Does he fuck you?" I was straddling him as he was sitting up.

"W w ..w what?" My only coherent thought as my body was in ecstasy.

"Does he fuck you as hard as I do?" Thrusting hard up into me. Hitting my sweet spot.

"OH!" I stuff my fist in my mouth biting hard.

"Well does he?" He's growling in my ear. Shaking my head I continue to ride him.

"No. Only you." My voice sqeaks and tears leak out of my eyes.

Jealousy was Severus' worst trait.

* * *

For a month he shunned me. Sirius and James had been beating him and I did nothing. I allowed myself to be pushed around. My friends finding out what Severus was never to know.

I was partnered with Severus in Potions in the back of the class.

It was obvious that he didn't trust me not to try anything. Good reason too. My hand slipping down to his thigh as he tenses.

"Don't." A hiss.

"Fine." I take my hand back.

Rolling up my own robes.

"What are you doing?" He sounds incredulous.

"What you should be doing."

* * *

I suppose its morally wrong to have a relationship based on sex.

But in our own way it was more.

The first time I was allowed to penetrate him, was probably the best time of my life. Seeing how tight he was. Though after the first time I was perhaps rougher than he was ever with me.

He loved it though. As did I.

Especially with the small fights for dominance.

My friends were now with me all of the time. Even if my Love was mad with anger at me for it, he could not keep away from my touch.

But Sirius managed to screw it all up.

* * *

In my werewolf form I didn't know what I was doing. All I knew was that I smelt human blood. That was all that mattered. I was after the blood.

Running to grab at whoever I cared not. Snarling as I went for the Hunt.

Nearly getting it before another animal got in the way. Blocking the scent of the Prey and giving off the 'Friend' smell.

That is all I remember before turning back down the black tunnel...

* * *

**32 Years Old**

Its been years upon years . I am feeling every aching bone in my body long before I should. Falling asleep in a train for several hours is not a smart thng to do... especially when awaken by Dementors.

Finding a repilica of James sick on the floor.

And now I'm sitting in the Great Hall waiting for the Welcoming Feast to begin. With my heart pounding as I try not to obsess about the man down the table from me.

Trying not to remember our last touch when we were 17 and I had him writhering beneath me...

Merlin, that man makes me insane...

* * *

I live in a castle with a man who will not allow me to speak with him unless there is a group of people around. Slowly its agrivating me because there is two days before the school year is over and he still throws allegations at me. Driving me mad with his insolence...

I look at the map I conviscated from Harry.

Dear Merlin...

* * *

Sirius is something that Severus will always hate. No matter what. Sirius is my link back to a life not lived as a bum who can get no work because of the lypothany.

The betrayal in Severus' heart is reflected in his eyes as he attempts to kill Sirius.

He told.

Alas, my Love has told and I still love him and want him.

"You deserve it."

"Deserve what?" I'm irritated.

"You chose him."

Turning to face Severus I stare at this man I love and have had his love. The man who hasn't touched me in 15 long years.

"How can I choose a man who can't let go of the past?"

* * *

**35 years old**

Sirius is dead. Severus is a spy.

I stll have those pills I took form Severus all those years ago. Back when I had never heard of them.

If I cannot have my lover nor just a friend.

Then what do I have?

I put the pills in a bottle of Fire- Whiskey...

"Lupin. What are you doing." Silky and soft.

"Nothing Severus." I say before bringing the bottle to my lips.

"Will it win the War?"

Turning my amber eyes to stare into his black onyx ones I glare at him.

"No."

He stares at me thne takes my face and kisses me... afterall these years that soft kiss is what breathes soul into me.

The bottle shatters as I put my arms around his body, just so I can kiss back.

_Le Fin_


End file.
